How to Cope with a Parent Who Gives the Silent Treatment
I want to talk about something that is deeply painful and frustrating: the silent treatment from a parent.
If you’ve experienced this, you know how hurtful it feels. Growing up, the silent treatment made you feel invisible, powerless, or desperate for your parent’s love and attention. You might have tried everything to get a reaction: doing chores perfectly, being “good,” staying quiet, or just trying to talk to them, hoping they would finally speak to you. And the hard part? This behavior often doesn’t stop in adulthood. Even as an adult, a parent might suddenly refuse to speak to you after a disagreement, leaving you feeling like a little child again, waiting for their approval and validation.
Understanding the Silent Treatment
Here’s an important thing to remember: when a parent withdraws into silence, it’s usually not about you. This behavior is often a reflection of their own emotional wounds, lack of emotional maturity, or inability to manage discomfort. Their silence is a way of controlling or punishing, but it also shows their own vulnerability and unresolved pain. But it still doesn’t excuse the fact that when you were a child, they treated you with silence and poorly. Their trauma is not an excuse.
You Are Not a Child Anymore
One of the hardest lessons to internalize is this: you are no longer a child. Back then, you depended on your parent for survival, love, and approval, it was true back then and you truly needed them. But today, you are fully capable of taking care of yourself. You don’t need to chase their approval, and their silence does not define your worth.
This is a reminder to your nervous system. When you stop reacting to their silence out of fear or desperation, you begin to reclaim your power and emotional freedom.
How to Respond When a Parent Gives the Silent Treatment
Here are some practical strategies you can use:
Don’t Take It Personally
Their silence says more about their own limitations and unresolved wounds than it does about you.
Remind yourself: their behavior is about their fear, anger, or shame, not about your value.
Be the Adult in the Situation
Stay grounded. Take a deep breath and acknowledge your feelings without reacting impulsively.
Communicate calmly and assertively:
“I notice you’re upset. When you’re ready to talk, I’m open to a conversation.” - IF they are open.Then step away and live your life. Don’t chase or beg for their attention. Focus on yourself.
Care for Your Inner Child
The part of you that felt scared, abandoned, or desperate for love as a child is still alive.
Practice self-soothing and compassionate self-talk:
“I see you. I hear you and I am here for you. Mom is ignoring us, but I am not ignoring you, I am here talking to you and listening to you. That`s what matters.”You are now the parent your inner child needed. You can protect, nurture, and comfort yourself, even when your parent cannot.
Set Boundaries
Decide what is acceptable and what isn’t in your relationship.
You might limit interactions, avoid certain topics, or step away when they withdraw into silence.
Boundaries are not punishment, they are a tool to maintain emotional safety, love yourself and preserve the relationship.
Focus on Your Own Healing
Engage in therapy, journaling, mindfulness, or meditation.
Surround yourself with people who validate and support you.
Celebrate small wins: speaking your truth, staying grounded, or refusing to chase approval.
Why Their Silence Is a Reflection of Them, Not a Deficit in You.
When a parent uses the silent treatment, it highlights their lack of emotional strength and maturity. They are showing you what they cannot handle: discomfort, confrontation, or accountability. You don’t need to match that. You don’t need to shrink, beg, or fix them. You get to rise above it, remember who you are, and stand firmly on your own side.
Reclaiming Your Power
Every time you choose not to react out of fear or desperation, you reclaim agency, self-respect, and emotional autonomy. You are telling yourself and your inner child that your feelings matter, your presence matters, and your worth is not dependent on anyone else’s approval. You don`t need your parent now the way you did when you were a child.
The silent treatment is painful, but it doesn’t have to define your relationship with yourself. With practice, compassion, and boundaries, you can navigate these dynamics while staying rooted in your own truth and emotional well-being.
Take the Next Step in Your Healing
If navigating your parent’s silent treatment feels overwhelming, you don’t have to do it alone. I offer a free 30-minute consultation where we can explore your situation, identify strategies to protect your emotional well-being, and begin healing old wounds and see if we are a good fit to work together.
