There Are No Good or Bad Emotions

First, let’s start here: there are no good or bad emotions.
The moment you say an emotion is “good” or “bad,” you are judging it.

Instead, there are pleasant emotions — like joy, excitement, and love — and not-so-pleasant emotions — like anger, sadness, grief, and fear.

All of them are part of being human.

We feel emotions all the time, even numbness is a feeling.
But many of us were taught to suppress, deny, or ignore what we feel.

When Feelings Were Not Acceptable

If you grew up in a chaotic or neglectful home, you were probably taught, directly or indirectly, that your feelings were not acceptable.

Maybe you heard things like:

“Stop crying.”
“Don’t be so sensitive.”
“You’re overreacting.”
“You have nothing to be sad about.”
“You should be grateful.”

For men, the message might have been:

“Wipe your tears.”
“Be a man.”
“Don’t cry.”

For women, it might have sounded like:

“Don’t be angry, that’s not pretty.”
“Good girls don’t get mad.”
“You’re too emotional.”

Those messages taught us to shut down to disconnect from what we truly feel.

And so, when anger or grief or sadness comes up today, we tell ourselves, “I shouldn’t feel this way.”

But when we do that, we’re actually doing to ourselves exactly what our toxic or emotionally unavailable parents did to us, we silence ourselves again.

You Can’t Control Your Emotions (and That’s Okay)

Here’s the truth: you can’t control your emotions.
I know there are a lot of messages out there that say we can, but we cannot.

What we feel is what we feel.

Emotions come up on their own. You can only manage your behavior — how you respond to what you feel.

Emotions are always present whether it’s sadness, grief, anger, fear, or joy.

When we suppress them, they don’t disappear. They just go underground and show up as anxiety, tension, numbness, or even illness.

Feeling your feelings doesn’t mean you’re weak or that you’ll get stuck forever. It means you’re honest with yourself.

So, What Does It Actually Look Like to Feel Your Feelings?

It’s not about fixing them or forcing them to go away.

It’s about being present with what’s happening inside you, using mindfulness, observing, and noticing without judgment.

You can also view it this way:

Picture your inner child: a younger version of you who’s feeling scared, anxious, or sad.

If that child came to you crying, would you tell them to stop?
Would you say, “You shouldn’t feel that way”?
Would you tell them they’re wrong for feeling angry?
Would you tell them to get over it?

Of course not.

You’d probably sit with them, maybe hold their hand, and say, “I’m here. I see you.”

That’s exactly what feeling your feelings looks like.

It’s your adult self: your calm, compassionate, courageous, and nonjudgmental part — the loving parent inside you — sitting with that younger part of you and saying,

“Yes, this feeling feels heavy. It’s uncomfortable.
And you have a right to feel it.
You matter. Your feelings matter.
And I’m here with you.”

You don’t need to fix the feeling. You just need to stay present from your healthy adult self.

Sometimes it can help to gently place your hand where you feel the emotion in your body — your chest, your stomach — and take a slow breath, letting that younger part of you know:
You’re not alone anymore.

And yes it takes practice.

What Feeling Your Feelings Is Not

Feeling your feelings does not mean lashing out or acting on them.

It’s not about yelling, blaming others, self-blaming, or staying stuck in the emotion and looping in it.

It’s about giving space to what’s true inside you, no matter how long it takes, so the emotion can move through you.

Because when you feel it, listen to it, and acknowledge it, you release it.
When you resist it, you stay stuck.
When you dwell on it, you also stay stuck.

Emotions are like trailheads, they point toward something that needs your attention. Maybe an unmet need or an old wound.
When you listen to it, you grow.

Breaking the Family Pattern

When you tell yourself “stop feeling this way” or “brush it off,” you’re repeating the same rules of your dysfunctional family.

You’re agreeing with your toxic parent’s message:

“Don’t talk about feelings.”
“Don’t be too emotional.”
“Keep it together.”

But you get to break that cycle now.

You get to be your own healthy parent, one with compassion, acceptance, and presence.

That’s all your feelings need.

The Antidote Is Self-Compassion

You can tell yourself:

“This feeling is not pleasant, it hurts, but I have the right to feel it.
My feelings matter. I’m here for myself.”

Self-compassion also means taking responsibility for how you feel.

Nobody makes you feel angry or upset, you feel this way.

I know that’s not always fun to hear. But when you blame others for your emotions, you’re actually handing them your inner child and saying,

“Here, take care of my feelings for me. It’s your job now.”

That’s giving your power away. That`s giving your inner child away for others to care for him/her/them.

Taking responsibility means acknowledging your feelings from a nonjudgmental place. It means validating yourself and being the healthy, nurturing parent you needed.

That’s how you integrate your emotions instead of fighting them.

You’re Human. You feel.

Feeling your feelings is part of being human. It’s how you stop abandoning yourself. Yet our society often teaches the opposite: to stay strong, stay positive, and move on. Grief, sadness, anger, they all come with invisible rules about how long or how much we’re “allowed” to feel. But emotions aren’t moral failures or signs of weakness; they’re honest responses to life. When you let yourself feel instead of pushing it away, you reclaim your humanity. You stop performing “okay” for others and start being real with yourself.

I can help.

If you’re tired of shutting down your feelings or wondering why it’s so hard to be “okay,” you don’t have to keep doing it alone. In our free 30-minute consultation, we can talk about what’s been coming up for you and explore what healing might look like and see if we are a good fit to work together.

Schedule Your FREE 30 Min Consultation Now.