Healing Unworthiness from Childhood trauma.
Where Unworthiness Comes From
When we’re children, we’re like sponges. We don’t just absorb words, we absorb the energy, the treatment, and the silent messages we receive from how others act toward us.
If you grew up in a dysfunctional family, chances are no one sat down to really listen to you. No one acknowledged your needs, saw your pain, or accepted you for who you were. Over time, that silence and neglect can turn into an inner belief: “I’m not worthy.”
For example:
If you were emotionally or physically neglected, you might have learned: “My needs don’t matter. I don’t matter. I’m invisible.”
If you were constantly criticized or scapegoated, the message becomes: “I’m never good enough. I can’t do anything right. There’s something wrong with me.”
If you had narcissistic or emotionally immature parents, you probably felt like you only existed to meet their needs.
And when sexual abuse happens, it sends an incredibly damaging and confusing message to a child’s nervous system: “I’m not safe. I’m not worthy of protection. I am shameful. I am broken. I am disgunting.” That shame can feel unbearable.
Because a child can’t process the pain logically, they turn it inward: “Something about me caused this. I must be bad, disgusting, unworthy.” And often, how the family responds (or fails to respond) to the abuse makes the wound even heavier.
How It Shows Up in Adulthood
Fast forward to adulthood, and those childhood messages are still running quietly in the background. Feeling unworthy might look like:
Struggling with low self-esteem or never feeling “good enough.”
People-pleasing, because you don’t believe you deserve to take up space or say no.
Feeling like a burden, unworthy of anyone’s time, love, or friendship.
Sabotaging relationships, because deep down you don’t believe you deserve love.
Overachieving or perfectionism, trying to “earn” the worth you never felt you had.
Numbing out with substances, food, or work, because facing those feelings feels unbearable.
Even carrying the haunting sense that you don’t have the right to exist.
The Truth About Worthiness
So, what’s the truth about you?
I invite you to pause and really reflect here, because finding your truth is the medicine for the wound of unworthiness.
Here’s what’s true:
What happened to you as a child was not your fault.
The unworthiness you feel is not your true identity, it’s the echo of trauma.
Feeling unworthy once served as a survival strategy, but it no longer serves you now.
Your worth was never taken away. It’s always been there. Trauma covered it up with shame, like a heavy wet blanket.
Your worth is not about external roles, being a mother, father, daughter, spouse, friend, or your career. Those roles can change, but they don’t define your essence. Worthiness is built into your humanity. It’s like an inherited blueprint. You were born with it.
The Path to Healing
Healing is about gently peeling away those false messages. It’s about reconnecting with your inner child and reminding them:
“You did nothing wrong. You were always worthy of love, safety, and care. Things are different now. I am different. I can protect you now.”
This healing can unfold through inner child work, EMDR, therapy, and practices that build self-compassion and help you reconnect with who you really are.
It takes time, but every step forward is a step toward reclaiming your truth.
Ready for support?
If you’re ready to take the next step, I invite you to book a free 30-minute consultation call with me. It’s a chance to talk about where you’re at, what you’re struggling with, and how therapy can support your healing.
