Why Do I Feel So Distant From My Father or Mother?
Have you ever asked yourself,
“Why do I feel so emotionally distant from my mom or dad?”
Even if you live nearby or even in the same house, the emotional gap between you and them can feel huge. And it hurts.
This kind of distance isn’t about how often you see each other. It’s not about proximity. It’s about connection.
Why You Might Feel Emotionally Distant From Your Parent
Let’s start here:
Sometimes, the emotional distance is because you and your parent are simply very different people.
Maybe you've grown emotionally. You’ve spent time in therapy, developed self-awareness, and made different choices from the ones they made.
And maybe your parent hasn’t done that kind of work.
If you’re someone who values emotional honesty, vulnerability, and growth—and your parent avoids those things, shuts them down, or even mocks them, it can feel like you’re on completely different planets.
You might feel like:
They just don’t get you
They judge or criticize your values
There’s no real space for mutual understanding
And honestly, that makes it really hard to connect.
When There’s No Accountability or Apology
What makes reconnection even harder is this:
They’ve never apologized.
They’ve never taken ownership for the ways they hurt you growing up, maybe emotionally, verbally, or even physically.
There’s no real accountability.
No conversations where they say, “I see how I hurt you. I’m sorry.”
Instead, there’s defensiveness. Gaslighting. Blame-shifting. Silence.
You might have tried to express how you feel. You hoped to be heard.
But instead, you were met with shutdowns, dismissiveness, or the cold shoulder.
Maybe they seem more interested in talking to their neighbor, or spending time with people at church, than having a close conversation with you.
And when a parent refuses to attune to your emotions, it creates a deep kind of pain, one that tells you, you’re not important.
The Bond Feels Broken
Sometimes the bond has been broken so many times, it just doesn’t feel safe anymore.
Rebuilding that relationship starts to feel impossible, especially if:
You were constantly criticized or shamed
Your privacy was ignored
You were treated like you didn’t matter
Maybe your mother violates your boundaries regularly.
Maybe your father constantly criticizes or nitpicks every choice you make.
And even though there’s a part of you that longs for closeness,
There’s also a part of you that’s exhausted.
You just can’t keep getting hurt.
Will They Ever Get It?
You’ve probably waited and hoped that one day they’d finally understand you.
That they’d change. That they’d show up differently. But the heartbreaking truth is: They might never get it. And they might not change.
As painful as that is to face, it can also be clarifying.
It helps you stop chasing the version of your parent that only exists as magical thinking.
So What Now?
We all deserve relationships that feel safe, mutual, honest, and healing.
One of the most powerful steps in the healing journey especially for adult children of emotionally immature parents is finding community.
Support groups, group therapy, and healing circles can be incredible places to:
Be heard
Share your story without judgment
Meet others who understand exactly what you’ve been through
Practice real connection with safe people
I know that being in a group can feel scary especially because your family was your first group, and it taught you that relationships aren’t safe.
But this could be a chance to rewrite that story.
Because even if your family of origin couldn't offer you what you needed,
You can still create a family of choice.
Conclusion
Feeling emotionally distant from your parent isn’t a failure on your part. It’s a sign of deep unmet needs, broken trust, and a relationship that never offered the safety or understanding you deserved.
And while they may never change, you can still heal.
You can build relationships that feel different—safe, mutual, connected.
You are allowed to grieve the parent you wish you had and take steps toward building the life and connections you long for.
If this blog resonates with you and you're ready to start working through the impact of your upbringing, I’d love to support you.
