How to Find Peace during the Holidays as an Adult Child of a Toxic Family
The holidays have a way of revealing things we often try to avoid looking at.
Family dynamics become louder. Old roles resurface. Expectations—spoken and unspoken—float in the air. And for many adult children of narcissistic or emotionally immature parents, this time of year can highlight the cracks that were always there.
But here’s the part we don’t talk about enough:
Just because the holidays once felt painful doesn’t mean they always have to. And just because society says “this is how it’s done” doesn’t mean you have to follow that script anymore.
Read my previous blogs on this topic to help you tap into your strength when things are difficult during the holidays:
You Don’t Have to Follow Old Holiday Rules
There is a quiet kind of grief that comes with realizing your family may never be what you needed. And at the same time, there can be relief in realizing:
You no longer have to keep recreating the same experiences.
You are allowed to:
Spend holidays differently
Say no to traditions that drain you
Create meaning that actually fits who you are now
This isn’t avoidance.
It’s choice.
And choice is often something adult children of dysfunctional families were never given.
Read my previous blog on this topic to help you tap into your strength when things are difficult during the holidays:
Designing Personal Holiday Rituals (That Actually Feel Good)
Traditions don’t have to be loud or performative to be meaningful. Sometimes the most healing rituals are small, intentional, and deeply personal.
Here are some ideas to spark inspiration — take what resonates, leave the rest:
Gentle, Solo Rituals
A quiet morning walk with music or silence
Lighting a candle and setting an intention for the season
Writing a letter to your younger self, honoring how far you’ve come
Cooking one meal you truly love — not what’s “expected”
Creative & Nourishing
Decorating in a way that feels soothing, not overwhelming
Creating a “new traditions” journal or memory jar
Watching movies that feel comforting instead of triggering
Turning the day into a rest day, without guilt
Chosen Connection
Spending time with friends who feel emotionally safe
Hosting a low-key meal with people who don’t require you to perform
Attending a group, class, or community gathering that feels aligned
Permitting yourself to be around people who see you
None of these is “less than.” They are intentional.
Read my previous blog on this topic to help you tap into your strength when things are difficult during the holidays:
Healing Doesn’t Have to Be Lonely
Many adult children learned early on that they had to handle things alone. But healing often happens faster and more gently in connection.
This is why I offer:
Therapy for adult children of narcissistic parents, focused on shame, guilt, and identity repair
Childhood trauma therapy and EMDR for Trauma, to help the nervous system release what talking alone can’t
The Relationship Recovery Program (RRP) group, for those who want community, shared language, and support from others who get it
You don’t have to explain or justify your experience in these spaces. You’re met with understanding from people who actually get it and with a therapist who gets it.
A Softer Invitation This Holiday Season
If the holidays feel tender for you, know this: You are not broken for struggling. You are not dramatic for wanting something different. And you are not wrong for choosing peace over wearing a mask during a family gathering.
This season doesn’t have to be about fixing your family or forcing joy. It can simply be about meeting yourself where you are and allowing something new to emerge.
Ready for Support?
If you’d like help navigating family dynamics, healing childhood wounds, or creating healthier patterns moving forward, I’d be honored to support you.
Schedule a free 30-minute consultation call
We’ll talk about what you’re carrying, what you want to feel instead, and whether working together feels like a good fit.
