Coping with a Difficult Parent

Let’s be honest, coping with a difficult parent is no small task. Maybe you’ve tried being the “good child,” staying quiet to keep the peace, or speaking up only to be shut down. You might feel like no matter what you do, your parent still wants things their way and it leaves you feeling small, drained, and stuck.

There’s nothing wrong with you for struggling in this space. This is hard. It’s complicated. And it’s painful in ways that are hard to explain to people who haven’t lived it.

So what do you do when your parent won’t meet you halfway?

I’m going to say something that might be hard to hear: you’re not going to change them.
And I say that with a lot of care.

You can express how you feel. But I also want you to know that you may not get the response you’re hoping for. They might not validate you. They might not even listen. Ask yourself, what would it mean to you to receive a validating answer from them?

Here are a few things I often suggest to clients in this position:

1. Set Boundaries That Protect You

Boundaries are not about getting your parent to behave differently. They’re about keeping you safe emotionally, mentally, and sometimes even physically.

You get to say things like:
“I’m not available for this conversation.”
“If you continue to speak to me this way, I’m going to hang up.”

You can expect pushback. That’s normal.
But your job isn’t to manage their discomfort. Your job is to protect your peace.

2. Confront the Parent Within

This one is often overlooked. While your actual parent may still have power in your life, the internalized parent, the critical, guilt-inducing, shame-based voice inside of you often has even more.

That voice is the one telling you that you’re selfish for setting boundaries, or bad for needing space. It’s the one that says you’re not allowed to say no.

And that voice? It’s not the truth. It’s a wound.

You can confront your parent once. Say what you need to say. But if they don’t listen, let it go and start working on yourself. Start challenging that internal voice. That’s where the real healing happens.

3. Focus on Your Own Healing

I know, this might not be what you wanted to hear when you clicked on this post.
Maybe you were hoping for a way to finally get through to them.

But the truth is: your power is in your healing.

Take care of yourself first. Learn to self-soothe, to speak gently to yourself, to nurture the parts of you that were neglected or criticized growing up.

Because once you begin healing, you’ll be able to respond to your parent from a place of calm and clarity, not fear, not reactivity.

And from that place, you’ll know what to do. Whether it’s going  no contact, setting firmer boundaries, or changing how much of your inner world you share with them, those decisions will come from you. Not from guilt, not from pressure, but from your own inner wisdom.

Final Thoughts

I know how painful it is to keep hoping your parent will meet you where you are and feeling let down over and over again. It’s one of the most invisible kinds of grief.

But You don’t have to keep living in reaction to your parent’s behavior. You get to choose something different. You get to build a life that feels emotionally safe, connected, and true to who you are even if your parent never changes or respects your decisions.

Healing doesn’t mean cutting off all emotion or pretending it doesn’t hurt. It means learning how to care for yourself in the process. And that’s something you can absolutely learn with support.

Want to Talk This Through?

If this post resonated with you and you’re ready to explore how these dynamics are impacting your life, I offer a free 30-minute consultation call to help you get clear on what healing could look like for you. Whether you're feeling stuck, unsure where to start, or just need someone who gets it, I’m here.

Let’s talk about what’s been hard, what you’ve been carrying, and how we can begin to shift it together.