Have you ever tried to think about your childhood… and felt nothing?

No sadness, no anger, just this dull emptiness, as if it all happened to someone else?

You might even wonder, “Why don’t I remember much from my childhood?” or “Why do I feel so disconnected from my past memories?”

If that sounds like you, there is nothing wrong with you, you’re only protecting yourself.
Feeling numb isn’t a sign of weakness; it’s a sign of how hard you worked to survive.

What Is Emotional Numbness?

Numbness is a part of you saying:

“This is too much to feel right now. I need to shut down. Feelings are dangerous.”

It’s when your mind and body go into a kind of “freeze mode.” - dorsal mode.
Instead of crying, getting angry, or feeling sadness, you just go blank.

It can show up as:

Not remembering parts of your childhood,
Feeling detached from your memories, for example, “Yes, that happened, but I don’t feel anything when I think about it.”
Saying “It wasn’t that bad,” even when it really was,
Or feeling like you’re living life behind a glass wall, watching it, but not fully present.

Why Do We Feel Numb After Childhood Trauma?

When you grow up in a dysfunctional or chaotic home, maybe with a narcissistic parent, an emotionally immature parent, or constant criticism, your system learns to shut down to survive.

As a child, you didn’t have control. You couldn’t run away, and you couldn’t fight back. So your body found another way to protect you: by disconnecting from what hurt.

You learned to stop feeling because feeling was dangerous, it felt too big.
You learned to minimize pain, “It wasn’t that bad”, because the truth was too overwhelming.
You learned to stay quiet, or “be good,” so you wouldn’t trigger anyone’s anger or rejection.

You might have learned to freeze when your parents fought or when there was constant arguing at home.
You might have swallowed your words when you wanted to scream, or shut down when your parents criticized you endlessly.

And that became your survival strategy: numbness.

It kept you functioning in an environment where being too aware, too emotional, or too vulnerable wasn’t safe.
That’s why, even now, as an adult, you might notice yourself going numb when you think about your past.

Your body still believes it needs to protect you even though the danger is over.

This is also one of the reasons many people say they don’t remember much from childhood.
The mind stores painful experiences away, like boxes sealed in the basement, until it feels safe enough to open them.

So when you feel numb, it’s not because you’re cold or emotionless. It’s because you had to learn how to survive chaos by shutting down.

The Hidden Cost of Staying Numb

The same walls that once protected you can now keep you from feeling alive.

Numbness can make you feel stuck, disconnected from joy, love, anger, or excitement.
It can make relationships feel flat, as if you’re there but not really there.
And it can make healing harder, because you can’t access the very emotions that need to be processed.

But the good news is that you can start to reconnect.
Not by forcing yourself to feel, but by gently creating safety within your body again.

How to Start Defrosting the Numbness

1. Create safety before exploring the pain.
Before diving into old memories, focus on what helps your body feel grounded in the present moment.
Try placing your hand over your heart and taking a slow breath until your shoulders drop.
Notice what helps you feel safe, maybe a walk outside, a warm shower, journaling, or feeling the sun on your skin.
You can also play with temperature: hold a piece of ice in your hand, place it on the back of your neck, or run warm water over your hands.
These small actions send a powerful message to your nervous system: You are in the present now, no harm can get to you.

2. Practice self-compassion.
When numbness shows up, instead of judging yourself for “not feeling,” try to remember, you learned this for a reason.
Numbness got you through childhood.
You can place your hand on your heart and gently tap or press; it’s a soothing way to signal safety to your body.
Say to yourself, “It’s okay that I feel this way. I’m learning to feel again, slowly.”

3. Talk to your inner child and ask questions.

The part of you that shut down back then still lives within you. When you approach that part with curiosity instead of pressure, you begin to teach your body that it’s safe to feel again.
You might ask your inner child:

“I sense that you’re numb, are you feeling a little sad? A little angry? A little disappointed? A little lonely?”

Naming emotions, even tentatively, can help you touch them little by little and that’s how the thaw begins.

Final Thoughts

Feeling numb is your body saying, “I’ve been through a lot. I’m trying to keep you safe.”

When you start treating your numbness with compassion instead of shame, you begin to reconnect with the parts of yourself that have been waiting to feel safe again.

You don’t have to do this alone.

If this resonates with you and you’re ready to begin healing the emotional disconnection caused by childhood trauma, I invite you to schedule a free 30-minute consultation with me.

We’ll talk about what’s been happening in your life, what you’re looking for in therapy, and see if we’re a good fit to work together.

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