Do you dread going home for the holidays?

For many people, the holidays bring warmth, laughter, and the comfort of family traditions. But for others, this time of year can bring something entirely different: anxiety, guilt, and a deep sense of grief.

And so, your family doesn’t feel like home.

The grief that no one talks about.

There’s a particular kind of grief that comes from feeling disconnected from your family from realizing that “home” never really felt safe, or that the people who were supposed to love you unconditionally never truly saw you. And that maybe you never knew what home was. What is home? Where is home?

You might grieve the family you wish you had. The closeness that never existed. The parent who couldn’t show up emotionally. The siblings who never understood. The family gatherings that were more about appearances than genuine connection.

It’s a quiet grief, one that’s hard to name because society rarely acknowledges it. Everyone talks about losing family through death, but we don`t talk about childhood loss, what would it feel like to have parents who had their shit together? what would it feel like to have present parents in your life? A family who cared about you. You grieve what you never received or the lack of what you received. The crumbles. The neglect.

The pressure to pretend

Around the holidays, that grief can intensify. The world around you seems to push one message: Family is everything. You’re bombarded with images of smiling families in matching pajamas in commercials, joyful reunions on TV shows, and perfect dinners in movies.

And yet, your reality might look very different.
Maybe your family is fractured. Maybe conversations feel tense and superficial. Maybe you feel invisible the moment you walk through the door. Maybe you feel criticized the entire time with your mother.

Still, the pressure is there, the “shoulds” that weigh on your heart:

You should visit your family, it’s the right thing to do.
You should forgive and forget.
You should spend the holidays with family, that’s what good people do.

But what if those “shoulds” are hurting you?

The hidden pain of estrangement

For some, “going home” isn’t an option. Maybe you’ve had to distance yourself for your own mental health. Maybe contact only brings pain, and old wounds reopen.

Estrangement, whether chosen or forced, carries its own heartbreak. You might question yourself Am I a bad person for making this choice? People will judge me for not speaking to my mother. You might feel the sting of judgment from others who can’t understand your choice.

Grief and guilt can coexist here: grieving what could have been, while protecting your peace.

Triggers during family gatherings

Even when you do attend family events, old roles and dynamics can resurface quickly. You might find yourself shrinking back into the “scapegoat,” the “fixer” or the “quiet one.”

Small comments can sting. The atmosphere can feel suffocating. Your body may react before your mind even catches up: heart racing, tension in your body, being frozen, not being able to speak, a sense that you need to escape.

This is your nervous system remembering what it felt like growing up.

You are allowed to choose PEACE.

One of the hardest but most liberating truths is this:
You get to decide what family means for you now.

You are allowed to:

Skip a gathering that drains you.
Leave early if you need to.
Spend the holidays with people who feel like home, not just people who share your DNA.
Redefine what “home” means, even if it’s just you, a close friend, a healthy partner, healthy community of people alike, or a quiet day that brings you peace.

Who is driving the bus? Who is making the decisions?

Are you driving the bus of your life or your wounded inner child? Are you making the decisions this year or is it your wounded little part? Every time you choose peace over obligation, you take your power back.
Every time you listen to your inner voice instead of the “shoulds,” you honor yourself.
You don’t have to prove your worth by performing as the “good son,” “good daughter,” or “good sibling.”

You are allowed to protect your heart even during the holidays.

You deserve a holiday that feels like home

Maybe this year, “home” isn’t a place. Maybe it’s a feeling, one that you build through gentleness, truth, and loving boundaries.

You get to choose to be the healthy and loving adult and parent for yourself. And that, in itself, is a powerful act of healing.

Want Support?

If the holidays bring up old wounds or family stress, you don’t have to go through it alone.
I offer a free 30-minute consultation to help you explore what healing and support could look like for you and see if we are a good fit to work together.
You can schedule your free consult here and take the first step toward peace.

Schedule Your FREE 30 Min Consultation Now.