Are You Trying to Control Everything? Find out Why.
If you grew up in a toxic family, the need to control everything around you might not feel like a choice, it might feel like survival.
When you grow up surrounded by unpredictability, emotional chaos, or subtle (and not-so-subtle) manipulations, your nervous system learns to scan constantly for danger. This is hypervigilance — always waiting for the shoe to drop. Always bracing for impact. Always trying to manage other people’s moods so you can feel safe.
It's exhausting. But to your childhood self, it made sense.
One of the hidden impacts of childhood trauma is that you may have internalized the belief:
“If I can control everything, then nobody will catch me off guard and hurt me.”
This belief can quietly run your adult life.
Behaviors That Reflect Feeling Out of Control:
Working all the time or identifying with workaholism
Becoming hypervigilant about everything — from relationships to routines
Obsessive thinking or chronic worrying
Trying to control how others act, think, or feel
Feeling rigid, stiff, or anxious when plans change
Having a hard time relaxing or just “being”
Constantly scanning for what could go wrong
These behaviors don’t mean you’re broken and powerless.
When control becomes your safety blanket, it’s often because deep down, you feel out of control. And feeling out of control when you were young probably meant getting hurt — emotionally or even physically.
So now, as an adult, your stress response gets activated whenever life feels uncertain.
But here's the truth your nervous system needs to hear:
You’re not in that unsafe childhood home anymore.
You have power now. Real power.
Healing Starts With Trust
True healing doesn’t come from controlling every detail. It comes from trusting yourself — your inner resilience, your instincts, your capacity to handle what life brings.
Trusting yourself means trusting:
Your personal power
The seasons of life — the good, the hard, the slow, the uncertain
That you can feel pain and still be okay
That life is a cycle — and you don’t need to fight every wave
When we begin to accept the good and the bad, rather than trying to micromanage everything, we soften. We breathe. We come back into our bodies. We begin to live.
And from that place — not fear, but grounded presence — we can finally start to feel free.
Ready to Start Healing?
If this post resonated with you and you're tired of feeling like you have to control everything just to feel safe, you don’t have to figure it all out by yourself.
I offer a free 30-minute consultation call so we can explore what you're struggling with, what kind of support you're looking for, and whether we're a good fit to work together.
This is a no-pressure space where you can ask questions and get a feel for how therapy might help.
You deserve to feel at peace, not just in control. Let's talk.
