Why Can’t My Parents Understand My Feelings?

Let’s talk about something that might hit close to home.

Have you ever walked away from a conversation with your parent thinking,
“Why can’t they just understand how I feel?”

If that question lives in your body—if it feels heavy, confusing, or painful—you’re not alone.

That ache you carry when your parent dismisses your emotions, turns the conversation around, or reacts like you’re attacking them just for being honest—that’s not you being dramatic or too sensitive.

That’s what it feels like to grow up with emotionally immature or narcissistic parents.
And it makes total sense that you're still feeling the effects.

Why They Can’t Meet You Emotionally

Many of our parents never developed emotional maturity.
They may have adult responsibilities, careers, even raised kids… but when it comes to emotions? They're still stunted.

They haven’t processed their own pain. They haven’t made space for their own inner child, so they certainly can’t make space for yours.

A lot of them were raised in environments where emotional expression was punished or ignored. Vulnerability was seen as weakness. So they avoided it. Buried it. Pretended it didn’t exist.

And now? When you try to have real, vulnerable conversations with them they shut down. Or want to fix. Or deflect. Or get defensive. Or they might make it about them.

You might say, “That comment really hurt me,” and they hear, “You’re a bad parent.”
Not because you said that they are bad parents, but because they haven’t dealt with their own shame. They interpreted “I am a bad person”, so it gets projected onto you.

Real emotional intimacy is terrifying for them.
Going deep means facing feelings they’ve avoided their whole lives. It means acknowledging wounds they don’t want to look at. And so they don’t. They can’t. They won’t. They are not capable of cultivating a deeper relationship they way you want it to be. They cant relate to you neither with themselves. They don’t have the emotional capacity to hold space for others.

And your life? It probably looks really different from theirs.

You’ve been doing the internal work. You have been using your critical thinking, questioning a lot of things. You’re going to therapy. You’re learning to name your feelings. You’re becoming aware. You are reading books, you are in this journey.
That kind of self-awareness can feel threatening to someone who has spent their life numbing out or staying in survival mode. Your energy just doesn’t match with theirs, both of you don’t resonate anymore and the relationship has outgrown and that’s fine. It`s very hard to connect with a parent who is not open, if they are closed off there is no room for connection.

Honestly, it can feel like you’re speaking a language they never learned.
And sometimes… it might even feel like you’re trying to reason with a child.
But that doesn’t mean you need to become their parent. That’s not your job.

You’re not better than them. You’re just in a different place. A different level of emotional awareness. And that difference can feel isolating especially when you’re the only one in the family healing.

What This Means for You

I want to pause here and just validate how heartbreaking this can be.

We all want to be seen especially by our parents.
To be known. To be held emotionally. To feel like we matter to them not for what we do, but for who we are.

And when that doesn’t happen, when the connection stays surface level… it hurts.

This is grief.

You are grieving the parent you wish you had.
You are grieving the connection you hoped for.
And that grief is sacred. It deserves space.

One of the most powerful things you can do is let yourself feel that grief.

Start with journaling. Let the pain move through you without censoring it. No judgment. No gaslighting yourself. Just raw truth on paper.

Journal when you feel triggered. When another birthday goes by without a meaningful call or text. When they twist your words. When they show up in ways that reopen old wounds.

Let your grief have a voice. It deserves one.

And remember you don’t have to carry this alone.

Therapy, especially with a therapist who understands narcissistic or emotionally immature family systems, can be deeply healing.
Not the kind of therapy that tells you to “just talk to them,” but the kind that helps you feel safe, seen, and supported.

You Can Break the Cycle

Even if your parents never get it… you can.

You can stop waiting for their validation.
You can learn to give your inner child the love and understanding they always needed.
You can re-parent yourself with compassion, softness, and care.

You can start choosing your future.

Because that’s what this work is really about.

Not fixing anyone else.

But freeing yourself.

Ready to Start Healing?

If this resonates with you, I’d love to support your journey.

I offer a free 30-minute consultation for adult children of narcissistic or emotionally immature parents who are ready to stop carrying the pain alone and start healing for real.